Monday, January 25, 2010

Thoughts and Hope

Tomorrow is the FIRST Blog Tour for Don't Quit in the Pit. Come back to read the first chapter and find out more. For now, here are some personal thoughts. 

Honestly by the cover, I never would have picked up this book. As a FIRST Assistant Director, I get a copy of almost all our books for tour and of course do not have time to read all of them, but I am trying to at least skim most of them to get a partial opinion out there. As I set out some of my books that are scheduled from various tours and publicists to read this week I noticed a theme. A Hope and a Future: Overcoming Discouragement and Lord, I Just Want to Be Happy as well as this one Don't Quit in the Pit. You'd think with the recurring theme that God is trying to tell me something. The first of the books that I tackled was this one. The plan was to skim, but I was brought in and read most all of it and way more than I anticipated.  

Danette Crawford has a powerful faith and plenty of advice on how to find a similar one of your own. Life is rough and has pits and pot holes and it is up to us as believers in Christ to follow his lead and truly trust in his timing and not our own. This book has given me a lot to chew upon and goals to grow. So many aspects of life and hardships are touched on and I really believe that her heart is in the right place. True not all chapters or sections rather relate to my life, but for those that do they are right on key. Many times I read a non fiction and finish it with a thought of "that's nice" and go on with my day or my life. This one makes me ponder and reach for my Bible. I recommend it for anyone at any point in their life.  

This one definitely got to me on some points as to the whispers of the evil spirit against me in a wave of discouragement. It makes me wonder how many times I have blindly listened to what I should not have and believed it. Right now we are in such a strange position of life.  

Things were perfect with my being pregnant and my husband having a fabulous job. We had just bought a house and were planning on spending the next ten or so years in it. College loans and cars were being paid off and our church family was fabulous. I was finally pregnant and planning the days ahead as a quilting, book reading, SAHM housewife. Then in a whirlwind my husband lost his job with 90% of his division. For four months he was unemployed. Finally after almost ten months of searching he found a new job and we relocated here. Our house is still on the market and has not had a single viewing back there and we are renting here. I'm raising my almost six month old daughter in a town where I know no one hours and miles away from our grandparents and godparents for her. Nothing is as it was planned.  

Through it all I have definitely seen "God-things". The four months that Enginerd was at home were the two months at the end of my pregnancy and the first two months of my AppleBlossom's life. That could have not have been any more perfect if I had chosen it myself. My blogging and reviewing opened an avenue for reviewing cloth diapers and thus almost her first year of diapering has been provided for near to nothing at cost to us. Aunts, grandparents, and incredible FIRST member specifically have provided baby clothes that we cannot afford to purchase our own. I have been blessed with an abundance of breast milk so baby food is not a worry. A crib and highchair were provided by friends. The carseat/stroller combination was on sale, then had a deeper sale the next week that we were credited back for and ended up being a free stroller. Other reviews have provided baby carriers and slings. Everything that was going to be a crazy expense for a new baby was provided.  

Our house has been on the market for months with no showings. In a few months if not weeks we will no longer be able to afford the mortgage. Strangely I'm not worried, just annoyed. But things could be so much worse. What we have needed up to now we have had. True when AppleBlossom out grows her six month size outfits, I have not a clue what I will dress her in, but that is months away. True that gas and groceries are running up our credit card bill and the mortgage is frustrating. Our house was perfect for us. Now we're in a smaller less perfect rental. About the rental. We spent a week looking at houses up here. Everything was horrible and dirty and unsafe. I was terrified. There was one more to look at and then we were going to check out apartments. Going from owning a house to a shabby apartment was not my idea of a good plan. But we would do what we had to. We drove out to this house as the last resort of homes and it was beyond our wildest dreams. It does not have the greatest floor plan and there are plenty of flaws, but it suits our current purposes perfectly. The master is large enough that we keep the crib in there and do not worry that there is not another room on that side of the house. The neighborhood is safe and the nextdoor neighbors are awesome. It could be much worse.  

We're attending a church and though it is not the same "home" feeling as our other church, the people are good and the message is right. God is present there. I don't know where our future lies. The plan was ten plus years back there. Now I'm uncertain about the next few months. I'm coupon clipping like a crazy person from online things and the mailer, we cannot afford a newspaper. I'm living it up with cloth diapers and grinning and the ease of use and no price tag on refills. We don't have TV, but we have internet so that I can keep my sanity and in touch. Right now we're floating. Each week things get harder and the tightness in my chest appears, but I have an incredibly adorable daughter. My family is safe and healthy and there is plenty of time for change. I want our house to sell, but if nothing else for the mortgage to be paid. If we have to foreclose, it will happen. It's in God's hands.  

So far I have been handling all the stress pretty well. This week things have gone a little to far and I do not know what is next. My resource for toys so far for AppleBlossom has been through free product for review. The same with books for my entertainment and sanity. My socialization as well. Everything is based through my computer. My hard drive is failing. I cannot load a blogger page or anything else that causes the slightest taxing. It freezes and crashes. It is a matter of days if not less that I will be able to use it. Once it's gone... I don't know how I'll post my reviews, or anything else. Now that terrifies me. It is my connection to all that we have survived on and it might disappear. If it does I don't know where we'll get the next toys, clothes or diapers for her or baby food (since that's starting soon). But I know something will work out in the end. Christmas gave me some money to head toward a new computer. So I have that and if I find more then I can get it.  

Money is such a burden. Money for mortgage. Money for groceries. Money for bills. The one thing I look forward to this year are taxes. (Say what?!) With the layoffs last year and the big lump sum severance, we know that we'll get at least something back as well as our little daughter deduction. At least that's a plus.  

I have lots of concerns of the future. But even more than that I have hope. Lots and lots of hope. In the end of everything that I have ever gone through God has been there. When I think that things could not be any worse, he is fully there. It will get better. It always does. It might be worse first, or horrible after. But there is always sunshine eventually.

3 comments and creative thoughts:

Angie said...

((hugs)) I'll be keeping you all in my prayers.

I don't know if this will help you but my aunt lives in Bartlet which is pretty close to where you live and in the spring and summer she hits the garage sales. She finds baby clothes (for her grand kids) that are like new. Some things will still have the tags on them. I'll have to find out where the hot spots are for ya. If anyone knows it's my Aunt..she loves going to garage sales. :)

Christy--Southern Sassy Girl said...

Girl, if you ever need to de-stress, you and hubby and baby are welcome at our house anytime. I don't have any baby things since our time hasn't come for that yet, but if you need to be reintroduced to a tv set and a good movie....just say the word. :o)

Lindsey said...

I'm sorry you're going through this hard time... unfortunately they're necessary in life. Thankfully, though - we have God and can be sure He'll bring us through somehow! It's a way of teaching us to trust Him completely. It's HARD, I know. John and I are going through something similar (not quite so severe, no house burden), and waiting and wondering what is going to happen. It's a trial that will ultimately strengthen your faith and your family as you continue to trust God. ♥

I'll be praying for you (I mean, I'll continue to pray for you)!

Lotsa love!

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